I also think that beyond Santa, the word means believing in the Christmas Spirit. Just to clarify; this "spirit" is not like a flying, ghostly, translucent thing, (remember this is Christmas not Halloween) but instead, the Christmas spirit is a way of being or a way of behaving. It means that at least during Christmas time, people are supposed to be nice to others, it means to remember that not everybody is as lucky as some of us are. Some don't have proper meals, and a roof over their heads, much less Christmas presents.
I must say I kinda of like this "spirit" more than I do like Santa. I have nothing against chubby guys dressed in fuzzy red clothes but it seems to me than believing in Santa is about receiving but believing in the Christmas Spirit is more about giving. Either way, the key word is to Believe. And so I google.
Be-lieve: "to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so".
And believe me... I am getting somewhere here. So stick with me for a bit longer.
You see, this past week my friend Alex and her family who have been our "adoption buddies" got assigned a baby girl. They got the news just before Christmas, just like they always believed they would. Even when they knew their chances were less than slim, still, they believed. There you go...an absolute perfect example followed by the wonderful gift of a daughter. How cool is that? One day, you are a family of three and the next, you weak up to a family of four.
And believe me (again) I was so happy for them when I heard the news... that I literally got the goose bumps. And then I got cold and started shaking... a little taste of my body's response to a - hopefully - near future news of our own. And then, later in the night after the call was over and I got warm again; I got sad. So sad at our own lack of news. And then of course, so surprised at being able to be so happy for our friends and so sad at the same time!
So I talked to my all-time/ the best/ super duper personal psychologist, i.e the wonderful man that sleeps next to me every night. He said he believed that our time is not right yet. He said he knows (without absolute proof) that when it is the right time... we'll get the call... or e-mail, or whatever. He also said we all need to be ready (and by us he meant the three or us). Next morning I talked to my mom, and she said that I have to believe that this is going to happen sooner than later. That the right baby is waiting for each family and that this "is going to happen" and it is my time to have faith.
Faith : "belief that is not based on proof".
Notice the coincidence?
So why is it that everybody seems to be able to easily believe and have faith but me?
Believe or not to believe... that is the question.
And if you do decide to believe, then how exactly do you go about it?. Maybe the problem is my type A personality and the fact that I've learned to rely on myself to succeed at the things I want to achieve. But then, is that really a problem? Why is it that your strength suddenly becomes your weakness?. Get my drift?
The good thing is that after the soul searching and the therapy conversations with hubby and mom, I really found it in my heart to understand that even through the struggles of my own some times believing, sometimes out of patience not-so-much; this is really out of my control and will only happen when it will. That is as easy as that.
Also, having our friends get their baby first has its advantages! Now they'll teach us about the process, the what to do's and what not to do's. Alex will let me know about the best baby stores in Colombia (ha!) and we will also get to live the full range of emotions from a safe distance. Quite honestly, this will help us prepare so that we will not freak whenever all this starts happening to us. : )
So to finalize today's blog my own personal letter to Santa.
Dear Santa:
I truly think I deserve to be in your nice list this year. First of all, I didn't have any major fight with anyone at the office in 2010. I actually like most of the people.
I know I can be a pain to my dear husband some times but I think overall I am not that bad. I cook eatable food now and then (and he eats it! - by the way, he should get a present for that) and I've never forget to feed the dog and the cat. The plants are also doing better. Hopefully I'll keep it up in the summer when is time to take care of the garden.
I'm so good this year that I'm even saying hi to my lady neighbor. Also, Tavo and I no longer gossip about her purple hair. So for this Christmas, I really want that you help me let go & believe.
Oh! and also please tell my friend Alex that me feeling sad the other day has nothing to do with me feeling super happy all the other days.
Actually Santa, it has all to do with you not helping me believe. So it's your fault.
:)
Luz J.
PS. In the mean time you can send us a little monster as a "lend" present until we actually get baby Cristancho. (Ha ha!)
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